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Murphy’s Law – For Nurses

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Saw this posted on Murphy Laws Site:

Murphy’s nurses laws

  • When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
  • Realizing the patient you’ve just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.
  • A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs a finger dressing … and your colleague has a “bad back.”
  • It’s you’re first night shift for three years. And it’s a full moon.
  • You’re doing the “Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance”, only to turn around to see your supervisor standing there.
  • In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
  • The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.
  • As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in, and take a look at the wound.
  • The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.
  • Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.
  • The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.
  • You walk out of a patient’s room after you’ve asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall.
  • The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.
  • The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.
  • You always remember “just one more thing” you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.
  • The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.
  • When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.
  • If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.
    Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.
  • When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid …
  • Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.
  • As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.
  • Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.
  • You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end …
  • Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn’t doing well.
  • Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.
  • As soon as you’ve ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • Ten seconds after you have finished giving a complete bed bath and changing the bed, the patient has a giant code brown.
  • If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three.
  • Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses’ desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help …
  • Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges)
  • The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed …
  • The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs.
  • The more confused and impulsive a patient is, the less chance there is for a family member or friend to sit with the patient.
  • The perfect nurse for the job will apply the day after that post is filled by some semi qualified idiot.
  • If only one solution can be found for a problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
  • When the nurse on the preceding shift has surrounded the patient with absorbent pads, the code brown will hit every sheet and miss every pad.
  • Rest assured that when you are in a hurry, the nurse’s notes have not been written.
  • When you are starting an IV on an uncooperative patient, or dealing with a huge code brown, there is a phone call for you and it’s that crabby physician that you have been paging all morning.
  • Fire drills always occur on your day from hell
  • The first person in line when the clinic opens will not require urgent care. The sickest person will arrive 5 minutes before closing: “I thought I’d feel better”

Written by samomulligan

August 3, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Posted in Nursing Career

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